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The Almighty Swedge
The Almighty Swedge is considered one of the greatest mysteries of modern magic. Unlike it's counterparts, mass-produced by "The Exiled" and his apprentices, the Almighty Swedge is made from a much heavier material, yet the magic core makes it feel light until it swings. Design The standard, common Swedge is considered a failed weapon. It is three sided, in the form of an equilateral triangle going into the hilt. Around halfway up the blade, it shifts into long, metallic point. Each of the three faces is kept flat, making the 60 degree edges on each side quite sharp, but useless for slashing. The Almighty Swedge is made with a core of rune essence, charged with wind magic. This makes it magically easier to swing. It's magic, we're not talking real physics here or anything. The actual material is a mix of Runite, forged in the blood of Bladewings and Sacred Metal shed by Demons within the smith's soul. The sword is much less useful as a sword when it comes to slashing, and more suited as a club. However, it is still useful for stabbing. History The Exiled was not truly exiled by any group in Wushanko, he exiled himself to try to gain attention. When this had failed, he proceeded to try to master smithing, but failed to make any weapons with a fine enough edge to use properly. A poor swordsman, a sailor later approached him and suggested it might be easier to make a sword with more edges so that he could actually hit something. Taking the joke seriously, the Exiled began to make Swedges, moving to the Bladewing Crag where it'd be easier to get supplies. Eventually, a Demon spoke to the Exiled, and told him to make the perfect sword... He needed even more edges. So, the Demon sent him to kill Bladewings, and use their blood to cool his next sword. When the sword was finally completed, rune essence and all, the Exiled went to sleep on the beach, only to be met by two mighty warriors. PvM Hero, and uwotm8lolgg. PvM Hero did most of the dirty work, mauling the Exiled with his Dual-Drygores. Complaining about the lack of good drops, he went on to continue killing the Bladewings. uwotm8lolgg then approached the Exiled, and spoke some famous words that nobody had heard, but would radiate as the words of the sinful in the eventual Cult of the Swedge. "Oi'll rek ye m8. U r 1 cheeky lil **** and i am takin ur Edge." Before he finished, however, PvM Hero got a set of Tetsu as a drop, yelling "Swag." The resulting noise, a fusion of Swag and Edge, would come to define the Swedge as a sword type. The Almighty Swedge was taken away from the Bladewing Crag, to the Grand Exchange. When it was found the value of such a unique item could not be determined, the sword was tossed into Edgeville. Thrown far, it broke the window of a seer named Ekleipsis. Ekleipsis took the blade, and tried to swing it. But even someone named after a Bleeding Moon was not capable of handling all the Edges. The Seer woman decided it was time to house the holiest, and edgiest of swords in Edgeville. Ironically, the woman named the sword, "Swedge" after it's sword and wedge fusion of a design. When it was found the sword was not at it's full potential, bloodwood was used to replace the former hilt. Any who wield the sword can identify blood running from their wrists. The Swedge Cult Eventually, it was found the Swedge had many other versions, imperfect and flawed, to the disappointment of their owners. People collected the Swedges, and many have ended up within the hands of Ekleipsis. However, the Almighty Swedge was mystical enough to draw the depressed and weary to it. The followers of the Swedge believe in a holy book known as "The Swedgend." According to the Swedgend, those who follow the path of the Swedge will be able to fill the voids within their pitiful souls. Former Zarosians, upon hearing the Swedgend, as it became known as, tried to claim the sword for their god. The sword, somehow, had too many edges for even the famous Side-Swept Fringe Mahjarrat, Elf, Icyene, Demon Assassin who frequented the The Land of Death in Falador to handle. This only further cemented the idea that the sword was too "edgy" to be used. The Main Teachings of the Swedgend *He who dies, is not he who loses. He is merely One Step Closer to victory. *It is a last resort to pray to the Almighty Swedge, for it may cut your life into pieces. *Thou shalt not miss their abusers, only Miss the Misery they hath brought. *No one wants to hear you, save your breath. *All who speak the words "u wot m8" are to be killed, for they are sinners, they must perish. *When you die, your body slowly collapses in upon the empty shell you call your soul. Saints within the Faith of the Swedgend Normally, one can only become canonised to become a saint in death. However, in the Swedgend, everyone is dead on the inside; therefore all qualify to become saints, living, dead, or unborn. *PvM Hero, the Merciful. *Zaros, the Protector of Darkness and Shadows. *Evil Dave, the Basement Dweller. *Ekleipsis, the Seer of the Void. *Sprinkles the Rainbow-Giver *Zaovyr, the Almighty Wat. Myths about the Swedge, disproven *The Swedge does not choose it's wielder. It's too apathetic to care. *The Keeper of the Swedge, regardless of gender, does not have a Fedora or Unicorn obsession. She just likes them. A lot. *The Swedge's followers don't have a lack of style. They have the opposite of style. Quotes about the Swedge Trivia *The term 3edgy5u became important in the design of the swedge. Category:Humor